Bigger

I canceled my foot enlargement.

Y'know the old saying, "Guys with big feet also have big..."?

I thought getting bigger feet would have some nice side effects until someone explained to me that it doesn't work that way.

White Trash

You know you're white trash if you wish they had pole dancers at Cracker Barrel.

Saddlebrooke

There was a tragic recent news item of a man that recently moved from California to a sprawling cookie-cutter developement north of Tucson called Saddlebrooke.

He was an elderly man and after exploring his neighborhood awhile he had lost his way. He got quite distraught and thought maybe he had Alzheimers and/or heat exhaustion because he couldn't find his way home.

After an upsetting fours hours they found him. He was thirsty but O.K. It turns out the reason he got lost was not because of heat-stroke or Alzheimers but just because all the houses looked the same.

Getting Pulled Over

I was on my way home from the store yesterday when I apparently didn’t stop long enough at a stop sign. I did stop completely. It was a brief stop but it was a complete stop.

The officer was trying to understand my point of view.

“Sir, I understand your perspective. It’s kinda like when you have sex with your wife. It is brief, but it does happen. Although, from her perspective, I am sure she feels like it didn’t happen at all.”

It was at that point he got back in his cruiser and drove away.

Audiences

Last weekend I was at the park practicing playing guitar (some alliteration for y’all). I was sitting under a small picnic shelter on top of a large cement table watching the birds, ground squirrels and even an occasional human.

The ground squirrels I am talking about are not the same as the ones in a more temperate climate; they look more like what some might call gophers. But, as you can tell from the picture I included (but didn’t take) they are very cute.

I could see a few of these round-tail ground squirrels digging looking around for food, digging and otherwise popping in and out of their burrows.

One came over and stopped about 5 feet from me and looked up into my eyes at the end of one song. His eyes were wide with fascination. He kept looking and since he didn’t seem scared I asked him:

“Should I play you a song? O.K. This next one is for you little gopher-man!”

Not knowing what to play for a ground squirrel I opted for a song called, “A Bad Half Hour”. It’s a sad poem by Charles “Badger” Clark put to the melody of the really, really old song, “Annie Laurie”.

Seeming to enjoy the song this little guy lays down on the ground and keeps his wide, cute, dark eyes locked kindly on me. I find this fascinating because rodents have the same attention span as a teenager with a Blackberry. And although he didn’t watch me the whole song he did stay in the same spot for a good couple minutes, rolling around on his back and turning around before going back onto the dirt.

The cactus wren, in all fairness was less amused. One flew down and over to me and listened for a bit and cocked one eye up towards me as if to say: “You call that singing?”.

Which compared to a cactus wren is a fair point to make, I must admit. Still, the squirrel and I seemed to enjoy it.

Inner Voices and Characters

I don’t really mean to do this but it just happens.

I am practicing a song called “Ponies” written by Jeffery Bullock. The first time I heard the song John Denver was singing it. The most famous version of the song (as I found out years later) was done by Michael Martin Murphy.

There is a line in the song that goes:

“And he says, ‘Ponies…now ponies don’t you worry. I have not come to steal your fire away. I want to fly with you across the sunrise. Discover what begin each shining day.”

Pretty words. Except that when I have recorded myself singing this in the past, I didn’t like what I heard. I am much better at hitting the notes but the feeling is not there.

So, as I was listening to a play-back of me singing this song, this is what happened in my head:


“It’s a song called Ponies. It’s pretty much the best song ever written about the greatest animal ever. Ya wanna hear it?”





“Sure. Sing it for me.”







“O.K….(singing) .....'I want to fly with you across the sunrise…..Discover what begins each shining day.”.




Silence.


“Did you like it?”






“You don’t sound like you want to fly.”








Silence


“Damnit!”






So, I am working on it and it is getting much better.

More and more I get this guy in my head instead:








Once again...Roy Rogers to the rescue.

July 22nd, 2006, was designated as National Day of the Cowboy! To read the text of the bill that was passed take a look here. People often ask, "Why did they have the National Day of the Cowboy on a Saturday and not on a Monday so we could all get a three-day weekend?"

Good question.

Reason being is that cows don't care what day it is. If the rest of us got a three-day weekend, the cowboy would still be working. So, it is in that spirit that if the cowboy has to work on the day honoring them it should be on a Saturday. Also, it should be on a Sunday because that is the day most cowboys would go to church. So, that is why it isn't on a Monday: there should be no special exceptions for the rest of us. I am just kidding...sort of.

History has been odd for the cowboy. Thanks to the singing silver-screen cowboys like Roy Rogers, Gene Autry, Rex Allen and others, the depiction of cowboys has been largely defined as heros that not only are examples of truth, honor and respect but cowboys we also attractive men and a talented musician and vocalist.

Of course, the myth and the truth has always blurred quite a but in the movies.
Being a cowboy was, and still is, just plain old hard work with a level of subtle and sophisticated knowledge that would baffle most with college degrees. The glamour we attribute to the cowboy life is often hindsight based on history or Hollywood.

That is, unless, you get to see a cowboy working first-hand. There is a reason why the cowboy has become one of the most enduring symbols of what is true about America. When you see cowboys working, it is then that this symbol takes on new strength, brilliance and meaning.

When you look around the world people may not wear our flag so much but they proudly will wear a cowboy hat.

There's a good reason for that.

July 22nd, 2006, was designated as National Day of the Cowboy! To read the text of the bill that was passed take a look here.

People often ask, "Why did they have the National Day of the Cowboy on a Saturday and not on a Monday so we could all get a three-day weekend?"

Good question.

Reason being is that cows don't care what day it is. If the rest of us got a three-day weekend, the cowboy would still be working. So, it is in that spirit that if the cowboy has to work on the day honoring them it should be on a Saturday. Also, it should be on a Sunday because that is the day most cowboys would go to church. So, that is why it isn't on a Monday: there should be no special exceptions for the rest of us. I am just kidding...sort of.

History has been odd for the cowboy. Thanks to the singing silver-screen cowboys like Roy Rogers, Gene Autry, Rex Allen and others, the depiction of cowboys has been largely defined as heros that not only are examples of truth, honor and respect but cowboys we also attractive men and a talented musician and vocalist.

Of course, the myth and the truth has always blurred quite a but in the movies.

Being a cowboy was, and still is, just plain old hard work with a level of subtle and sophisticated knowledge that would baffle most with college degrees. The glamour we attribute to the cowboy life is often hindsight based on history or Hollywood.

That is, unless, you get to see a cowboy working first-hand. There is a reason why the cowboy has become one of the most enduring symbols of what is true about America. When you see cowboys working, it is then that this symbol takes on new strength, brilliance and meaning.

When you look around the world people may not wear our flag so much but they proudly will wear a cowboy hat. There's a good reason for that.